Monday, December 22, 2008


I am so grateful to be home, especially after 6 long months of being away from these glorious people:

Because I'm too tired to speak in cohesive sentences--a list of why I LOVE being home
  • Waking up in a comfy bed/bedroom. Especially since my mommy took such time and care to make sure my favorite comforter was on my bed + my fave candles
  • Christmas tree decorations
  • Not being awaken by NYC noise
  • Being able to watch Christian and Alex have Dance-Off's via skype
  • Family dinner
  • My Dads cooking
  • Running errands with my mom
  • Suburbia!
  • Not having to pull out my wallet
  • Food, Food, FOOD.
  • Spending time with the Little Bro, and running him around to swim practice, karate practice, piano etc.
  • Being lazy and staying in sweats all day.
  • Driving
  • TV/Cable lol
  • Enjoying my family in general
<3 I'm such a homebody too, eventually I'll get around to seeing friends, but right now I'm enjoying the Charley's mucho.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Random Act of Kindness

Such a great post-secret. It got me thinking about the entire idea of random acts of kindness, and that when taking with the intention of Glorifying God become instances to quiet our heart to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

There have been so many moments in my life where I feel compelled to offer up random encouragements or Truths to strangers, but hold back out of fear and judgment, and weird looks :-). A the end of the day my obedience to those inclinations have little to do with making me feel good or comfortable, but rather allowing myself to be used in a way to speak Truth to someone else. Words (especially affirming ones) are super important to me, and its exciting that God allows us to speak into each others life, and I'm sooo grateful for the many people, close friends and strangers that have done that for me. One of my favorite Nav nights was my sophomore year when Mike C. handed out post cards and told us to write a letter to someone who was important to us, or to a stranger whatever, that expressed some type of gratitude, thanksgiving or simple encouragement.

In the same vain my family has always had the habit of writing little notes to our waiters when we dine out; something as short sweet and uplifting as the words written on the post card above. Since lately Alex and I eat out soooo much, I've gotten him into the habit of doing this as well, which is all kinds of adorable!

I also think about moments God has used utter strangers to remind me of His promises and Word. Two years ago I was volunteering at a children s fair as a part of America Reads. The gym was set up in 30 or so little reading stations where kids could circle around and stop at each station to hear a different story. At one point a group of older women who had been active members of the community education board and worked diligently for years to bring such programs to their neighborhoods, stopped by my station and began chatting about my involvement with America Reads and NYU etc. After about 15 minutes of chatting one of the women opened her Bible pointed to a passage in I Corinthians 15

58Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

She offered these words to me with a hug and a whispered prayer. Afterwards I had to hold back tears. I was just extremely astonished by her boldness, her desire to encourage, and her LOVE for the Lord.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


I've started at least 4 posts and couldn't finish any of them. I feel I can barely articulate my thoughts lately--both good and if I have to write something witty, enlightening, humble, funny, etc.....still hard pressed by those twangs of needing to constantly perform.

I have realized though, that God blessed many people with the gift of writing songs. Songs that seem to steal the sentiment of my heart's beats, and puts them to verse.

enjoy ( 2:00 min marker is a particularly good starting point)

Here I am
One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright

So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love

Sunday, November 16, 2008


On the Women's Retreat we were asked (just like last year) to draw a picture demonstrating where we were spiritually; my picture was based off of Jonahs cry/prayer in chapter 2

Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs

At the time, I was experiencing such an overwhelming feeling that I had been serving a counterfeit God. That I was somehow missing the God of the Bible. I had replaced Him with my distorted, less than glorious, less than worthy god. I had clung so tightly to worthless worthless idols, that I was missing the work and the hand of God all around me. And I had served this counterfeit god for sooo long that when smacked with the Gospel, it seemed all of sudden too good too be true. I am loved beyond my wildlest dreams. Your plans for me are for my benefit (Jer. 29:11)?! You are TRUSTWORTHY?! Mind blowing. Here's to preaching TRUTH to yourself.

I shared these lyrics as well, here's a snippet

Jonny Lang- Only A Man

I fell down and cried, Dear Jesus, rescue me again
I understand I am only a man

And He said,
What will it be now? Will you choose me or keep swimming up stream now? I've been inside your head hearing you scream out. Well here I am, just take my hand and I'll take out All of the pain and all of the fear All of the fear

I'll give you my burdens
I'll give you peace

All of my desires
I'll give you what you need

Oh, what about these chains, Lord?
I'll set you free

But they're so heavy
Lay them at my feet

I'll lay them at your feet....Just promise you won't leave
I'll never leave

So where do I go from here, Lord?
Just follow me
Just follow me

Monday, November 10, 2008

Sunday, November 9, 2008


I love love, probably for the same [slightly] voyeuristic reason I love reality TV or being in community---knowing that you are not alone and no matter how bad you think your 'secret' may be there are many many others in cahoots. So I was pretty delighted when while browsing the site today I noticed a followup to one of my fave quotes from The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Such a powerful quote! Seriously --- that's something to chew on when thinking about relationships. I was chatting with Nora one night after Navs and she commented on what first struck her about Christianity after she accepted Christ a few years ago, and she said: "I love how insanely and impossibly relational Christ's ministry was/is" So so true!

[per usual]
[must. write. paper. :-P ]

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Why, Hello


Once upon a time Xanga and I were the best of friends. I'd write, he'd listen, others would comment. It was an excellent relationship....and then I forgot my password, and left the blogging up to others. I also realized once i stopped blogging, I journaled more and have been hard-pressed to test whether the adverse would happen. I also struggle with how, for me personally, a [public] blog is just another chance for me to feel as if I have to perform, or be 'on'.

I've been praying through feeling this way in relationships for a while now too, which I'm sure will undoubtedly be touched upon in other entries to come. I don't want to take away from the intrinsic , and pretty awesome value of vomiting words on to a page in hopes of clarifying and processing. I don't want this to replace my quiet time and other random moments of journaling, which I'm not too too worried about, but i thought centering the blog around a theme and not just random nonsense would be helpful for me, although I make no promises that randomness won't occur =] So, with that in mind, back to blogging I go.

Wish me luck.