The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us.
-- A.W. Tozer
Sunday, January 10, 2010
God Complex
Friday, January 1, 2010
A Year in Review
**at the end of the day failure that is the result of choosing obedience to Christ over my own will is not really failure at all. I have to truly believe that**
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Worthless Idols
2009 Good Bye, Good Riddance. I will NOT miss you. You were a funny, confusing & painful 365 Days.
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." Jonah 2:8
More on the ways that was beyond true for me this year...
For now, I am grateful for Gods everlasting patience, wisdom and infinite love. I am excited to see what 2010 holds and even more grateful that God continues to do the messy work of loving me and growing me.
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." Jonah 2:8
More on the ways that was beyond true for me this year...
For now, I am grateful for Gods everlasting patience, wisdom and infinite love. I am excited to see what 2010 holds and even more grateful that God continues to do the messy work of loving me and growing me.
God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.
C. S. Lewis
Friday, September 25, 2009
Bach & Biceps
Ive recently gotten back into working out regularly. A sweet friend of mine thought he'd offer some motivation to help me get over how much i loathe working out by giving me a CD --"Ultimate Runners Mix" filled with, as I'm sure you've guess, a ridiculous amount of techno-house-upbeat-could-be-on-acid songs.
Little known fact: I work out to classical music. :)
The truth is, I dont ever want to be excited or pumped to work out. Its painful, it hurts, you sweat and smell. I think it all stems from the fact that I spent the better part of 6 years pre-college being a workout nazi (not PC?), and grooming myself for Division I Track Dreams. Which i clearly ultimately turned down for the lovely pavements of NYU. So when I say I hate working out, I 100% mean it. I hated doing two-a-days. Hated waking up a 6 am to bang out a circuit work out, all before having a full day of advanced classes only for 3 o'clock to roll around and to have to go do another workout. Listening to classical music was all I could do to not rip my coaches head off as he said "Hey Jas, I know you just ran seven 12 second splits, but how about 2 more...and oh yeah, a couple 400's". Oh really coach Banta?! Sure let me get right on that! Feel great.....Uh NO.
I love what working out does for my body (not the cosmetic part, although that's a great by-product) but rather my health. Love it. I hate how sore I am afterward. I hate how competitive and OCD working out makes me. I hate competing with the stranger next to me on the tread mill, who no mind got on twenty minutes after me, i REFUSE to get off until shes done.
Hello, Crazy Town.
So Again, thanks for the lovely CD. I'll stick to my my Bach, Mozart and Beethoven.
Little known fact: I work out to classical music. :)
The truth is, I dont ever want to be excited or pumped to work out. Its painful, it hurts, you sweat and smell. I think it all stems from the fact that I spent the better part of 6 years pre-college being a workout nazi (not PC?), and grooming myself for Division I Track Dreams. Which i clearly ultimately turned down for the lovely pavements of NYU. So when I say I hate working out, I 100% mean it. I hated doing two-a-days. Hated waking up a 6 am to bang out a circuit work out, all before having a full day of advanced classes only for 3 o'clock to roll around and to have to go do another workout. Listening to classical music was all I could do to not rip my coaches head off as he said "Hey Jas, I know you just ran seven 12 second splits, but how about 2 more...and oh yeah, a couple 400's". Oh really coach Banta?! Sure let me get right on that! Feel great.....Uh NO.
I love what working out does for my body (not the cosmetic part, although that's a great by-product) but rather my health. Love it. I hate how sore I am afterward. I hate how competitive and OCD working out makes me. I hate competing with the stranger next to me on the tread mill, who no mind got on twenty minutes after me, i REFUSE to get off until shes done.
Hello, Crazy Town.
So Again, thanks for the lovely CD. I'll stick to my my Bach, Mozart and Beethoven.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Into your hands I commit my spirit
It's 3 am
I have not written a blog post (well, a published blog post) in ages.
Today, my awesome, wonderful, loving, young (really--he's only 42 soon to be 43!) strong, tough father was admitted to the hospital--he had been experiencing shortness of breath and wheezing for a month or so now, and had lost a considerable amount of weight (20+ lbs). At some point during the day it became impossible for him to breathe, and he expereinced heart failure. He as admitted to St. Lukes around 3 p.m. and continued to float in and out of consciousness for hours.
The one and only time I have seen my father suffer from anything greater than a sinus infection was about 17 years ago. (We reminisced about this story over the phone a few hours ago). He had gotten into a pretty bad car accident, and had to undergo a couple hours of surgery. Post-op, my mom walked me into his hospital room--I was bout 6 at the time--and I remember instantly bursting into tears upon seeing him in the bed all bandaged up. Really, my tears we're a bit uncalled for, at least to the degree in which I cried. By the time I saw him he was out of surgery, pretty chipper and rather mobile. The bandages threw me off though. I was not used to seeing my father so, helpless and so human. Dad had not broken the super man characterization in my mind yet :)
Anyhow, my dad was surprised to know that I even remembered coming to visit him. That hospital room 17 years ago forever reshaped the schema I had had of my father. Now, at 22...and with my dad once again sitting in a hospital room, I fear this too will have lasting effects.
I've spent a good part of the night crying, but not entirely because of my dad. His being sick right now has been a great excuse to let out tears that have been pent up for a while. I can tell you, clearly, why my dad's being in the hospital indefinitely at this point (there running a smorgasbord of test--the Drs. are beyond perplexed as to what is ailing my father, would you please pray for Wisdom on their behalf, and a speedy discovery of what is going on) would cause tears to spring forth. I cannot however articulate the other culprit for my tears.
All in all..I'm in a good place--Spiritually, physically, emotionally. There's nothing really stressing me out---I've graduated, secured a job(for now), a place to stay, am financially independent with very little debt. I've found a church community I love and am very involved in. I've taken a big chunk out of my Summer reading list (50 books?! What was I thinking :-P). I can pin point spiritual growth, I can also attest to God growing a desire for Him and His Kingdom daily in my heart.
Yet in still there's something here. Something I cant decipher that is weighing my heart down---not a depressive sort of weight, or even unrepentant guilt. Its like a there's a tarnish somewhere dulling a bit of my joy.
I've been reading through a few Psalms tonight particularly 31.
In it, David cries " Into you hands I commit my spirit, redeem me, O lord, the God of truth"
I kept rehearsing this verse, and for the life of me could not figure out what is being said or why I can't stop reading the verse over and over. Sure, I cognitively understand and can parse the meaning of the sentence--its the implications for my life, right now at 3:40 am that are lost on me.
Then I found myself in Luke.
in Luke 23, verse 46 Jesus utters "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit", and then dies on
the Cross. His dying moment, was a moment of complete trust and utter intimacy.
I trust you Lord, I do. I also desire intimacy with you. But I'm missing something here. You're gonna have to forgive my ignorance. I need your Grace more than ever. I also need you to search my heart--I want to commit my spirit to you. And, I think I have in some ways, but cannot deny the affairs of my heart. You're asking more of me, I feel that. You are asking me to do to something, to die to something, to let something go so that You may inhabit. I have no idea what. Legitimately--I have no clue. I could guess. And have tried. Discernment, please and thank you?
3:52 a.m.
I have not written a blog post (well, a published blog post) in ages.
Today, my awesome, wonderful, loving, young (really--he's only 42 soon to be 43!) strong, tough father was admitted to the hospital--he had been experiencing shortness of breath and wheezing for a month or so now, and had lost a considerable amount of weight (20+ lbs). At some point during the day it became impossible for him to breathe, and he expereinced heart failure. He as admitted to St. Lukes around 3 p.m. and continued to float in and out of consciousness for hours.
The one and only time I have seen my father suffer from anything greater than a sinus infection was about 17 years ago. (We reminisced about this story over the phone a few hours ago). He had gotten into a pretty bad car accident, and had to undergo a couple hours of surgery. Post-op, my mom walked me into his hospital room--I was bout 6 at the time--and I remember instantly bursting into tears upon seeing him in the bed all bandaged up. Really, my tears we're a bit uncalled for, at least to the degree in which I cried. By the time I saw him he was out of surgery, pretty chipper and rather mobile. The bandages threw me off though. I was not used to seeing my father so, helpless and so human. Dad had not broken the super man characterization in my mind yet :)
Anyhow, my dad was surprised to know that I even remembered coming to visit him. That hospital room 17 years ago forever reshaped the schema I had had of my father. Now, at 22...and with my dad once again sitting in a hospital room, I fear this too will have lasting effects.
I've spent a good part of the night crying, but not entirely because of my dad. His being sick right now has been a great excuse to let out tears that have been pent up for a while. I can tell you, clearly, why my dad's being in the hospital indefinitely at this point (there running a smorgasbord of test--the Drs. are beyond perplexed as to what is ailing my father, would you please pray for Wisdom on their behalf, and a speedy discovery of what is going on) would cause tears to spring forth. I cannot however articulate the other culprit for my tears.
All in all..I'm in a good place--Spiritually, physically, emotionally. There's nothing really stressing me out---I've graduated, secured a job(for now), a place to stay, am financially independent with very little debt. I've found a church community I love and am very involved in. I've taken a big chunk out of my Summer reading list (50 books?! What was I thinking :-P). I can pin point spiritual growth, I can also attest to God growing a desire for Him and His Kingdom daily in my heart.
Yet in still there's something here. Something I cant decipher that is weighing my heart down---not a depressive sort of weight, or even unrepentant guilt. Its like a there's a tarnish somewhere dulling a bit of my joy.
I've been reading through a few Psalms tonight particularly 31.
In it, David cries " Into you hands I commit my spirit, redeem me, O lord, the God of truth"
I kept rehearsing this verse, and for the life of me could not figure out what is being said or why I can't stop reading the verse over and over. Sure, I cognitively understand and can parse the meaning of the sentence--its the implications for my life, right now at 3:40 am that are lost on me.
Then I found myself in Luke.
in Luke 23, verse 46 Jesus utters "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit", and then dies on
the Cross. His dying moment, was a moment of complete trust and utter intimacy.
I trust you Lord, I do. I also desire intimacy with you. But I'm missing something here. You're gonna have to forgive my ignorance. I need your Grace more than ever. I also need you to search my heart--I want to commit my spirit to you. And, I think I have in some ways, but cannot deny the affairs of my heart. You're asking more of me, I feel that. You are asking me to do to something, to die to something, to let something go so that You may inhabit. I have no idea what. Legitimately--I have no clue. I could guess. And have tried. Discernment, please and thank you?
3:52 a.m.
Friday, May 29, 2009
I can't even begin to articulate how much [inexplicable] joy this video brings me. I can't understand one word..save the English break-down midway. There is something oh so very familiar and foreign at the same time. But those beats,that cadence, the inflections the passion the soul, the praise--that I know. That I understand. Above all, I watch it and it helps to usher my heart into praise as well. :-) I love that!
1 Chronicles 16:9
Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts.
It's simple things like this--or listening to a roommate pray in Spanish, noticing a friends Russian Bible--that remind me of how Universal, how relevant God is. Galatians speaks of the notion that all have been united with Christ in baptism. This facts--this knitting together of believers excites me beyond measure, it truly does. I know its a bit of a "duh" observation. But sometimes it takes seeing something in practice not just theory for it to hit home for me :-)
1 Chronicles 16:23
Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Christ is Risen!
Prayer and Meditation are soo wonderful for my soul. I was inspired by a comment Susan made Saturday morning as we were talking about our Easter plans and she expressed desire to want to fully experience Holy Week, whatever that may entail, and spend more time in prayer.
Over the of the last couple hours of reflecting and communing with God, I became so overwhelmed with gratefulness and awe. Awe that I--WE, get to take part in the truth of the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior. The love He has poured down on us, even at it's simplest, seems so completely incomprehensible, truly. When I sit and meditate on the the gift of such a sweeping sacrifice and the fact the Jesus not only was raised from the dead by the power of the Holy Spirit but is alive and well today; it is all just Breathtaking & humbling, and simply too too good.
The joyful news that He is risen does not change the contemporary world. Still before us lie work, discipline, sacrifice. But the fact of Easter gives us the spiritual power to do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice. ~Henry Knox Sherrill
In your death you have given me new life, and life more abundantly! Praise you. Thank you Father for moving the walls that I never could, for breaking the chains of sin, and for the cleansing and redemptive blood of your Son. I thank you that the death of your Son was not the end of hope, but the beginning! May I not lose sight of you in my life, may I never be so blinded to forget the power and truth of your Resurrection (Luke 24:13-35). May I joyfully join in the work that you are doing here and now. Thank you that you have chosen someone as stained and incomplete as me and made me pure and whole.
Our Lord has risen, he has risen indeed
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Bad Blogger, Bad.
You know that feeling of anticipation/butterflies when you haven't been to a particular place that you used to frequent in a while?
That's how I'm feeling about Blogger
Blogger, will you still accept me?
I promise I didn't mean to leave for so long.
I have some awesome stories for you!
Will they remember me? Can I still sit at the same table? Do the old rules still apply, or do I have to learn a new schema?! Oh, Man this is awkward...what if they forgot my face... Will they ask why I've been gone for so long? Do I still fit in, will I be welcomed back?
That's how I'm feeling about Blogger
Blogger, will you still accept me?
I promise I didn't mean to leave for so long.
I have some awesome stories for you!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
So, I will expand on this soon
But I just left the most AWKWARD conversation with my boss
who took it upon himself to take me into his office and then QUESTION how someone as "educated" as myself, could possibly belief in something as irrational as [a] God.
and then peppered me with questions for a good 20 minutes....mind you this man has a PhD in Theology...taught at the collegiate level.... and grew up baptist. But is now a strong agnostic.
And actually expects me to formulate, and articulate arguments to his satisfaction
I was praying without ceasing, that God would make sure my words were of him, not argumentative, and full of Truth.
and he thinks that this should be an ongoing thing because he finds "religious folk so darn interesting"... [insert supremely condescending voice]
Good Lord.
But I just left the most AWKWARD conversation with my boss
who took it upon himself to take me into his office and then QUESTION how someone as "educated" as myself, could possibly belief in something as irrational as [a] God.
and then peppered me with questions for a good 20 minutes....mind you this man has a PhD in Theology...taught at the collegiate level.... and grew up baptist. But is now a strong agnostic.
And actually expects me to formulate, and articulate arguments to his satisfaction
I was praying without ceasing, that God would make sure my words were of him, not argumentative, and full of Truth.
and he thinks that this should be an ongoing thing because he finds "religious folk so darn interesting"... [insert supremely condescending voice]
Good Lord.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Google Art
I've rediscovered how much I enjoy fantastic design. I think that's why I'm so obsessed with people with wicked effervescent style. I stare at apartment design architecture/independent artist blogs daily, and get giddy. I have bookmark folders entitled "Living Room Inspiration", "Decorating", "DIY Design" "Possible Bedrooom" "Modern Design" "Minimalist Architecture"... you get the point.
A few of my faves:
ohjoy.blogspot.com
seaofshoes.typepad.com
refinery29.com
racked.com
jakandjil.com
oncewed.com
Apartmenttherapy.com
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Woman of the Bible
My bosses are insane. Every time I tell stories to my mom about the shenanigans of working at Local 237 she cracks up. I was hired to do research for the Education Department of the Union, but usually end up doing a lot of random admin stuff, listening to everyone complain about each other (which wears on the soul), homework, midday shopping excursions, handling member question, facebook etc. At some point I plan on devoting an entry to each one of the "characters in my office"--The Alcoholic but God-fearing Director, the single living-like-a-bachelorette-with a-whole-lotta-debt Assistant Director, and the Jaded secretary,--just to name a few.
choice quote from today
"G**damnit these people make me sick! Oh wait, honey I'm so sorry! I don't mean to offend you, I know you're a woman of the Bible" - Jaded Secretary
Anyway so the entire department decided to take a 3+ hour lunch..and I'm here holding down the fort all on my lonesome, reading Ladies Home Journal (don't judge, limited access at work!) There's an article referencing a challenge featured in Smith magazine (smithmag.net): Write your love story in six words. The results were complied in a new book called Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak, and they range from absurdly funny to poignant to downright heartrending.
choice quote from today
"G**damnit these people make me sick! Oh wait, honey I'm so sorry! I don't mean to offend you, I know you're a woman of the Bible" - Jaded Secretary
Anyway so the entire department decided to take a 3+ hour lunch..and I'm here holding down the fort all on my lonesome, reading Ladies Home Journal (don't judge, limited access at work!) There's an article referencing a challenge featured in Smith magazine (smithmag.net): Write your love story in six words. The results were complied in a new book called Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak, and they range from absurdly funny to poignant to downright heartrending.
"Magnetic attraction fused two polar opposites"
"Not always perfect. But so worthwile"
"Much married, fourth time is charmed"
"May/December...the best of seasons"
"Hog the covers, I don't mind"
"He's dumb but lifts heavy stuff"
LOL's
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Potters House
Edit
Tramaine Hawkins- The Potter's House
This song has been the lifter of my spirits all winter. There's a line where the chorus kinda erupts and loudly proclaims "give Him the fragments of your broken life! My friend, the Potter wants to put you back together again"
I was brought to Hosea for what seems like the 200th time in the last 6 months.
Tramaine Hawkins- The Potter's House
This song has been the lifter of my spirits all winter. There's a line where the chorus kinda erupts and loudly proclaims "give Him the fragments of your broken life! My friend, the Potter wants to put you back together again"
I was brought to Hosea for what seems like the 200th time in the last 6 months.
6 Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say,
'I will go back to my husband as at first,
for then I was better off than now.'
God is just so impossibly relational. Every aspect of his hand in our life revolves around his flawed people interacting and bearing with one another, and most of all loving each other well. I want to be known for loving my friends, family and other loved ones well. I have been so selfish with my time and am grateful that God redeems relationships.
14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
I was just so so comforted by being romanced by God. All the ways I was looking for Alex to love me better, I had the God of the Universe trying to allure me?! WHAT?! We prayed that we would both be allured by God and would fall in love with Him again and again. "God delights in revealing himself to those who will seek him with all their hearts"- Captivating
Jumble jumbled thoughts. bleh. Lighter posts to follow.
"Everyday I must choose to lay down my defensiveness and allow the healing balm of Jesus to attend to my wound and allow him to by my God, my Strength, and my Defender"
I came tonight, to the Potter's house with a crap load of fragments, and will wait patiently on my Lord, my Lover to put them back together again.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Monday, December 22, 2008
Home
I am so grateful to be home, especially after 6 long months of being away from these glorious people:
Because I'm too tired to speak in cohesive sentences--a list of why I LOVE being home
Because I'm too tired to speak in cohesive sentences--a list of why I LOVE being home
- Waking up in a comfy bed/bedroom. Especially since my mommy took such time and care to make sure my favorite comforter was on my bed + my fave candles
- Christmas tree decorations
- Not being awaken by NYC noise
- Being able to watch Christian and Alex have Dance-Off's via skype
- Family dinner
- My Dads cooking
- Running errands with my mom
- Suburbia!
- Not having to pull out my wallet
- Food, Food, FOOD.
- Spending time with the Little Bro, and running him around to swim practice, karate practice, piano etc.
- Being lazy and staying in sweats all day.
- Driving
- TV/Cable lol
- Enjoying my family in general
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Random Act of Kindness
Such a great post-secret. It got me thinking about the entire idea of random acts of kindness, and that when taking with the intention of Glorifying God become instances to quiet our heart to the voice of the Holy Spirit.There have been so many moments in my life where I feel compelled to offer up random encouragements or Truths to strangers, but hold back out of fear and judgment, and weird looks :-). A the end of the day my obedience to those inclinations have little to do with making me feel good or comfortable, but rather allowing myself to be used in a way to speak Truth to someone else. Words (especially affirming ones) are super important to me, and its exciting that God allows us to speak into each others life, and I'm sooo grateful for the many people, close friends and strangers that have done that for me. One of my favorite Nav nights was my sophomore year when Mike C. handed out post cards and told us to write a letter to someone who was important to us, or to a stranger whatever, that expressed some type of gratitude, thanksgiving or simple encouragement.
In the same vain my family has always had the habit of writing little notes to our waiters when we dine out; something as short sweet and uplifting as the words written on the post card above. Since lately Alex and I eat out soooo much, I've gotten him into the habit of doing this as well, which is all kinds of adorable!
I also think about moments God has used utter strangers to remind me of His promises and Word. Two years ago I was volunteering at a children s fair as a part of America Reads. The gym was set up in 30 or so little reading stations where kids could circle around and stop at each station to hear a different story. At one point a group of older women who had been active members of the community education board and worked diligently for years to bring such programs to their neighborhoods, stopped by my station and began chatting about my involvement with America Reads and NYU etc. After about 15 minutes of chatting one of the women opened her Bible pointed to a passage in I Corinthians 15
58Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.She offered these words to me with a hug and a whispered prayer. Afterwards I had to hold back tears. I was just extremely astonished by her boldness, her desire to encourage, and her LOVE for the Lord.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
BEG
I've started at least 4 posts and couldn't finish any of them. I feel I can barely articulate my thoughts lately--both good and bad....as if I have to write something witty, enlightening, humble, funny, etc.....still hard pressed by those twangs of needing to constantly perform.
I have realized though, that God blessed many people with the gift of writing songs. Songs that seem to steal the sentiment of my heart's beats, and puts them to verse.
enjoy ( 2:00 min marker is a particularly good starting point)
I have realized though, that God blessed many people with the gift of writing songs. Songs that seem to steal the sentiment of my heart's beats, and puts them to verse.
enjoy ( 2:00 min marker is a particularly good starting point)
Here I am
One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright
So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh
I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.
So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through
So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?
Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.
I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.
These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright
So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh
I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.
So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through
So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?
Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.
I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.
These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love
Sunday, November 16, 2008
[...]
On the Women's Retreat we were asked (just like last year) to draw a picture demonstrating where we were spiritually; my picture was based off of Jonahs cry/prayer in chapter 2
At the time, I was experiencing such an overwhelming feeling that I had been serving a counterfeit God. That I was somehow missing the God of the Bible. I had replaced Him with my distorted, less than glorious, less than worthy god. I had clung so tightly to worthless worthless idols, that I was missing the work and the hand of God all around me. And I had served this counterfeit god for sooo long that when smacked with the Gospel, it seemed all of sudden too good too be true. I am loved beyond my wildlest dreams. Your plans for me are for my benefit (Jer. 29:11)?! You are TRUSTWORTHY?! Mind blowing. Here's to preaching TRUTH to yourself.
I shared these lyrics as well, here's a snippet
[...]
Jonny Lang- Only A Man
I fell down and cried, Dear Jesus, rescue me again
I understand I am only a man
And He said,
I'll give you my burdens
All of my desires
Oh, what about these chains, Lord?
But they're so heavy
I'll lay them at your feet....Just promise you won't leave
So where do I go from here, Lord?
Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs
At the time, I was experiencing such an overwhelming feeling that I had been serving a counterfeit God. That I was somehow missing the God of the Bible. I had replaced Him with my distorted, less than glorious, less than worthy god. I had clung so tightly to worthless worthless idols, that I was missing the work and the hand of God all around me. And I had served this counterfeit god for sooo long that when smacked with the Gospel, it seemed all of sudden too good too be true. I am loved beyond my wildlest dreams. Your plans for me are for my benefit (Jer. 29:11)?! You are TRUSTWORTHY?! Mind blowing. Here's to preaching TRUTH to yourself.
I shared these lyrics as well, here's a snippet
[...]
Jonny Lang- Only A Man
I fell down and cried, Dear Jesus, rescue me again
I understand I am only a man
And He said,
What will it be now? Will you choose me or keep swimming up stream now? I've been inside your head hearing you scream out. Well here I am, just take my hand and I'll take out All of the pain and all of the fear All of the fear
I'll give you my burdens
I'll give you peace
All of my desires
I'll give you what you need
Oh, what about these chains, Lord?
I'll set you free
But they're so heavy
Lay them at my feet
I'll lay them at your feet....Just promise you won't leave
I'll never leave
So where do I go from here, Lord?
Just follow me
Just follow me
Monday, November 10, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Quote
I love love postsecrets.com, probably for the same [slightly] voyeuristic reason I love reality TV or being in community---knowing that you are not alone and no matter how bad you think your 'secret' may be there are many many others in cahoots. So I was pretty delighted when while browsing the site today I noticed a followup to one of my fave quotes from The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Such a powerful quote! Seriously --- that's something to chew on when thinking about relationships. I was chatting with Nora one night after Navs and she commented on what first struck her about Christianity after she accepted Christ a few years ago, and she said: "I love how insanely and impossibly relational Christ's ministry was/is" So so true!
TBC....
[per usual]
[must. write. paper. :-P ]
Such a powerful quote! Seriously --- that's something to chew on when thinking about relationships. I was chatting with Nora one night after Navs and she commented on what first struck her about Christianity after she accepted Christ a few years ago, and she said: "I love how insanely and impossibly relational Christ's ministry was/is" So so true!TBC....
[per usual]
[must. write. paper. :-P ]
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Why, Hello
Once upon a time Xanga and I were the best of friends. I'd write, he'd listen, others would comment. It was an excellent relationship....and then I forgot my password, and left the blogging up to others. I also realized once i stopped blogging, I journaled more and have been hard-pressed to test whether the adverse would happen. I also struggle with how, for me personally, a [public] blog is just another chance for me to feel as if I have to perform, or be 'on'.
I've been praying through feeling this way in relationships for a while now too, which I'm sure will undoubtedly be touched upon in other entries to come. I don't want to take away from the intrinsic , and pretty awesome value of vomiting words on to a page in hopes of clarifying and processing. I don't want this to replace my quiet time and other random moments of journaling, which I'm not too too worried about, but i thought centering the blog around a theme and not just random nonsense would be helpful for me, although I make no promises that randomness won't occur =] So, with that in mind, back to blogging I go.
Wish me luck.
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